So here are some things I'd like you to know about moi....
1.) I hate long walks on the beach because they are long.walks.on.a.beach. and maybe it's because I have never found beaches to be romantic...
2.) I wish I had the balls/enough street cred/ balance/ coordination to skateboard.
3.) I'm 5 foot nothing...(I know, perspective, right?)
4.) I'm in love with fashion, gay men have a way with me...I yearn for Marc Jacobs. Valentino and Armani; I don't even want to go there...gay orange men are my weakness.
5.) I have a soft spot for Koreans, blame it on the soju and K-Pop.
6.) I'm a total hypochondriac...damn you, Web MD (shake fist).
7.) I think I have abnormally small feet.
8.) I hate ALL underwater creatures, blech. Especially sharks, sharks can S my Bs.
9.) Every now and then I go into odd moods where I can watch "Virgin Suicides" over and over again.
10.) My fantasy football team would be Marc Jacobs, Sophia Coppola (because they get along famously), The 14th Dalai Lama, Maxine Hong Kingston, Amy Tan, Maguerite Duras, Encyclopedia Brown, Harvey Milk, Ann Suu Kyi, Jonh Lennon, Bob Marley and Duchamp. But they wouldn't play football because in my fantasy, they wouldn't understand the game of football, actually they would detest it. We would sit on the sidelines and chat about the wonders of the world, laugh and night would fall then the ornamental lights would dance and all will be well...isn't my fantasy a nice place?
11.) My favorite band in the whole world is Phoenix.
12.) The best cookies I've ever had are from Becker Farms (the chocolate-chip truffles)
13.) My favorite meal is in Vietnam, a noodle restaurant owned by my mom's best friend.
14.) You've Got Mail is my beating the blues flick.
15.) Tea and coffee is my life, I'm pretty much sure I'm about 98% caffeine.
16.) I have a weakness for fine-point ink pens, I have to buy it. I must add that I have pretty damn good penmanship. Oh but fountain pens, I stop the world and melt with fountain pens.
17.) English sheep dogs are my favorite animals.ever. I squeal at the sight of them.
18.) The Carriage House Cafe in Ithaca is the cutest restaurant I've been to.
19.) I can't give up traveling, it's like a drug. It costs more than drugs...shit.
20.) I buy art supplies like it's nobody's business.
21.) I can listen to Jack Johnson and be in total content with the world..no matter how shitty my day was.
22.) My mother stresses me out like no one else can, but she can do the total opposite and it's almost like magic.
23.) I'm an only child (shut up)
24.) I'm ambidextrous.
25.) I wish I had musical talents.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
My Hill.
So I don't know if I have shared this information with y'all but I am a student at this little quaint school in Ithaca, NY. It's a grand ol' place, this Ithaca. The townies are a bunch of Woodstock remnants and whatnots. So needless to say, it's pretty damn enjoyable. I've been so nostalgic about school, maybe because working sucks; climbing the corporate ladder isn't as fun as they make it seem. But you know how they say that in high school they always threaten you with the whole "real world" of college...yeah, not real at all...LIES, as a matter of fact. College is great; you live on a tight schedule and all the threats about time management are true-as-fuck. But it is in a nutshell, pretty good stuff. You meet some people that have their shit together and make you feel at ease, you meet people that think they have their shit together that make you feel uneasy. But all in all, good dirty fun. I will keep you more posted about my hill later in my life when I think of things to say, ya dig?
Here's what it looks like in the summer time....
Here's what it looks like in the summer time....
Monday, July 4, 2011
MTV no longer associates with Music.
So, I just watched the reruns of the MTV Movie Awards...ummm, doesn't MTV stand for Music Television? Just a reminder to the writers...so it was a shit fest, it was totally rigged so that the Twi-birth defects-light actors can grab a few awards. I don't get it, I really don't. That Kristen Stewart character has no personality and Rob Pattinson has Turrets. The stage looks like nature on acid and the winners are a joke; I have no hope for society. Just thinking about it hurts my feelings. But the upside is that Jason Sudeikis, God bless him. Oh how I love his sugateets. If you have no idea who Jason Sudeikis is, for shames. He's on SNL, if you have no idea what SNL is, stop reading this blog. Seriously, you're on my shit-list. But anywho, his singing monologue thing was pretty grand and probably the best they've got. You've let me down MTV, first The Hills have thighs, then Jerzey $hore, now this....I can't do it anymore, you've let me down too much for me to go on....but I will say that Teen Mom is a great show to watch when you're on the treadmill, it gets me so angry and revved up, I can run for miles, actually I pick up my speed when the "moms" start to talk...it's nice, Teen Mom makes me run like I just hit a big-ass black man. So thanks MTV, for that and for everything that's wrong with society. You're second on my shit list.
Friday, July 1, 2011
The Dating Rituals of the Twentieth Century (and why i hate it)
Where to begin...
I have always had really bad experiences and from those bad experiences I have found out the hard way that you can't just say..."what's the worst that can happen?"
My first date ever, I went to a Shakespeare in the park...romantic, no? We had lawn chairs, shared a blanket, had miscellaneous snacks, good conversation and great chemistry. He was smart, funny, talented so basically almost perfect, the date was great...I wish I also didn't have to share it with his parents. Yep, they were there, sitting next to us, basking in the warmth.....On a level of one to awkward, it was the Mark Zuckerberg and Robert Pattinson love child of all awkwardness.
So my second date, much later down the road mind you, I went on a date with a friend, gain, intelligent, thoughtful basically a saint of a man. During dinner he was an absolute snooze, it was like entertaining a sleepwalker and besides, I thought I was good at small talk, I'm appalled that he had proved me wrong, so that made him go further in my shit-list. Anywho, we went to a party and things got gritty, so to speak, not Billy Bob Thorton Gritty but more tastefully gritty, I'm a woman of high standards and questionable morals, (can't you tell?) So usually, your therapist would frown upon my actions....before you go Chelsea Handler on my ass, I hope you know that we didn't, well, you know. Flashes of overhead stills on the human anatomy from high school health classes kept on replaying in my mind...that's a total turnoff. So needless to say, I felt terrible for leading the poor bastard on like that and stopped my charade in it's tracks, we're friends now.
The third date was anything but a charm. So we went on one of those dinner and movie things, but did it backwards (innovative, really) so the movie I la-hov-ed, adored and am purchasing as soon as I get the chance. But, but, but, the man was well, here we go: not a looker, but as I have learned from Bette Midler; looks go. He is smart, and has his shit together so that's a big plus. But his mom had set us up...yeah, he's not one to leave the nest to act upon things I guess...but the poor woman's been asking me for about 2 years now, I can't turn women like that down (I'm a bit of a pushover). The conversation was good though, he did mumble and it got annoying after awhile, I have soo many pet peeves, the latter list would be shorter. Anywho, the movie segment of the date was fine, if only it ended there....we went to dinner (I paid for half...ew) and mid dinner he had announced that he.was.also.into.men. Ummm, well he said that and followed it with, "but I do like women" because I think my face had the "chopped liver" response. So needless to say, Vanny is never going on a date again. I'm just going to spend my dowry on Booze and drugs to drown my sorrows, too bad I'm allergic to booze and sorrows. You know, you can never say " what's the worst that can happen?" because in return, you date a semi-gay man. I think God woke up and said, "How can I piss Van off today? How many reasons can I give her to become an atheist?" Oh and I'm onto you, big man upstairs....I know what you're up to? Do you hand me these sinners to date because I don't go to church? Huh?! Is it?... Anyway, dating is the devil, I have come to find....you think it's all good and dandy until BAM! he's gay or lackluster or worse, a lifer. So before you give any of these guys your number, remember what happened to Vanny, I am here as a sacrificial lamb for womankind...you're welcome...This was sponsored by the population control bureau...I hope you're too scared to mate now.
I have always had really bad experiences and from those bad experiences I have found out the hard way that you can't just say..."what's the worst that can happen?"
My first date ever, I went to a Shakespeare in the park...romantic, no? We had lawn chairs, shared a blanket, had miscellaneous snacks, good conversation and great chemistry. He was smart, funny, talented so basically almost perfect, the date was great...I wish I also didn't have to share it with his parents. Yep, they were there, sitting next to us, basking in the warmth.....On a level of one to awkward, it was the Mark Zuckerberg and Robert Pattinson love child of all awkwardness.
So my second date, much later down the road mind you, I went on a date with a friend, gain, intelligent, thoughtful basically a saint of a man. During dinner he was an absolute snooze, it was like entertaining a sleepwalker and besides, I thought I was good at small talk, I'm appalled that he had proved me wrong, so that made him go further in my shit-list. Anywho, we went to a party and things got gritty, so to speak, not Billy Bob Thorton Gritty but more tastefully gritty, I'm a woman of high standards and questionable morals, (can't you tell?) So usually, your therapist would frown upon my actions....before you go Chelsea Handler on my ass, I hope you know that we didn't, well, you know. Flashes of overhead stills on the human anatomy from high school health classes kept on replaying in my mind...that's a total turnoff. So needless to say, I felt terrible for leading the poor bastard on like that and stopped my charade in it's tracks, we're friends now.
The third date was anything but a charm. So we went on one of those dinner and movie things, but did it backwards (innovative, really) so the movie I la-hov-ed, adored and am purchasing as soon as I get the chance. But, but, but, the man was well, here we go: not a looker, but as I have learned from Bette Midler; looks go. He is smart, and has his shit together so that's a big plus. But his mom had set us up...yeah, he's not one to leave the nest to act upon things I guess...but the poor woman's been asking me for about 2 years now, I can't turn women like that down (I'm a bit of a pushover). The conversation was good though, he did mumble and it got annoying after awhile, I have soo many pet peeves, the latter list would be shorter. Anywho, the movie segment of the date was fine, if only it ended there....we went to dinner (I paid for half...ew) and mid dinner he had announced that he.was.also.into.men. Ummm, well he said that and followed it with, "but I do like women" because I think my face had the "chopped liver" response. So needless to say, Vanny is never going on a date again. I'm just going to spend my dowry on Booze and drugs to drown my sorrows, too bad I'm allergic to booze and sorrows. You know, you can never say " what's the worst that can happen?" because in return, you date a semi-gay man. I think God woke up and said, "How can I piss Van off today? How many reasons can I give her to become an atheist?" Oh and I'm onto you, big man upstairs....I know what you're up to? Do you hand me these sinners to date because I don't go to church? Huh?! Is it?... Anyway, dating is the devil, I have come to find....you think it's all good and dandy until BAM! he's gay or lackluster or worse, a lifer. So before you give any of these guys your number, remember what happened to Vanny, I am here as a sacrificial lamb for womankind...you're welcome...This was sponsored by the population control bureau...I hope you're too scared to mate now.
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