I resolute to not umm...resolute.

So for this new years, which felt no different than the last 10 seconds of 2010, I have decided to not make any resolutions. No expectations-no "this year it will be different" talk. Because lets face it, all of our gym memberships stare at us with girth as we glance back with guilt. Event he must mundane, like say, trying to be nicer to people...um frankly, I don't think I can do that because I don't think i like people enough to try that. So as the hour passes and I watch poor but ever so beautifully sculpted (God must have spent a little more time on him...I mean is ONLY PERFECTLY SYMMETRIC, NO BIG) Anderson Cooper get sexually assaulted by Kathy Lee Griffin, who sounds like a demonized soccer mom, welcome me to the new year. Then after that my family and I split a bottle of something nice, got trashed and played Taboo until we started slurring our phrases and the buzzer became exclamation points. It was great nonetheless, to all whopping 2 of you who have read this, tell me about your New Years.

Giving Thanksgiving "Da Bird"

So because we are Buddhists and are thankful every damn day..below the belt, I know, we ditch Thanksgiving. Besides we hate turkey, no really I hate turkey. I enjoy a Turkey Bacon Club sandwich here and there but it's basically a "kosher" solution to eating too much Bacon. So let's be real here: we're Asian, we  get one day off from work so our Wednesday night plan is to get all kinds of tipsy and get in line at Best Buy to retrieve yet another 60 million inch flat screen for our bathrooms. We, unlike you guys, enjoy the rather finer things in life. I am going to go into a mini hibernation mode and nap until midnight when all the malls are open and pounce like a cat when the gates of Banana Republic opens, hell I might even do a drive by at the Gap...needless to say, I'm shameless.  

I am pretty sure I've had all types of birds today; herring, chicken, Cornish hen even...no Turkey. Maybe it is because Asians are the real meal hipsters, we shop at exclusive supermarkets and wear our half-hoods and skinny jeans to Dim-Sum...maybe. So for those whom are not eating copiously in my honor, good for you. Stay resilient, I love you.

Here we go again.

So for the new academic year I've promised myself a few things, and to my demise I haven't really been too keen on promises. One of the many faulty vows is that I take care of myself better...lies. I was planning to work out daily and eat 3 meals and all of that fun stuff that would make a dietitian piddle in their panties but nope, I haven't been burning calories just brain cells. I am definitely overworked and stressed to the max. I think I've come to grasp the meaning of "busy"...But yes, I am as flooded as Katrina when it comes to schoolwork...these professors don't talk to each other now do they? So hell week is about every week. I don't enjoy weekends either because I am imprisoned by my workload. So imagine Guantanamo only with Google docs. SO fun! I just threw up in my mouth, but it's okay.  Ugh, it just hurts my feelings and I can't help but to dick around because my attention span has gone to shit as well as my previously nonexistent social life...so it's not even in my peripheral vision that I get one at all now...poop.
My classes are somewhat enjoyable, however. I have good professors and I'm doing research...on chlamydia...oh and I WILL MOST LIKELY CONTRACT IT...seeing that I am the most clumsy of souls, I will most likely knock some petri-dish off a table and then rub my eye or some odd thing...but yes, that's in my future, I can see that like RAVEN. And I'm taking a sex and love writing class-not the sexy kind, it's a psychology and chemical breakdowns of why we get the naughties. But that's going well. I just read this autobiography of a feminist pornographer (a doosy, I know) but it brought me to dabble in in curiosity of pornography...(I was leading in the porn directing industry back in '97, you know.) and I'm totally turned off by it. It's so aggressive...for you males (pronounced "mal-les") that thing you got down there is threatening. It's so unappealing and disgusting. The women in these films are like biddy 2.0 and I feel like it's all fake-it makes you really wonder if it should ever be called "making love"..it's more like "making homicide". I'm pretty sure it's tasteful elsewhere but in Vanny's book, it's a no no. I read about the homosexual porn industry and how totally disgraceful it is for gays...I mean, they're actors and it's such a sad, sad, life to be leading, you know? The porn industry needs to regroup, for reals. It's a mean, mean sport. I can't understand it, I mean I guess my argument also shows how suppressed our culture is to sex in general, no? If  I were to be in Europe, I mean the commercials are pretty frisky. I'm pretty sure naked ladies are in coffee ads. But they feel like there is nothing to hide about the female anatomy. It's not taboo...there's something insightful about that.
That tangent was fun. But yes, school is propelling and schoolwork is climbing in my windows and snatching my peoples up so I better hide my kids and hide my wives...Sorry i haven't posted in awhile but I figured I should prove to you that I haven't' fallen off the face of the biosphere.

LISTEN UP.

Listen Up:

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged but with six kids, bills and my recent stint with polygamy…I’ve been busy getting busy. I joke, I kid, but for those Big Love followers out there; you and I both know how much baby-making goes on in a time span of an hour-long show…ahem.

So since my last blog, I had gone to Chi-Town and Lollapalooza-ed and as you know, it was the bee’s knees. I have compiled a list of jams that I have discovered/can’t live without.

Let’s git Crackin’:

Young the Giant

props to Google for the image

They’re up-and-comers I guess, they have an LP from way back when and only die-hards know of it, but the self-titled album is really something to see.  I’m sure you’ve heard “My Body” but their songs are pretty well, “fluid” and laid-back, I would say. They’re of the California-cool genre, but it’s refreshing and goes to show you that California cool hasn’t gone to hell since Hollister hit up our malls and pubescent teens.  Their show was on day one of the festival and a good way to start the weekend. I suggest you go on that little gem of a Youtube website and look up “Strings”, the acoustic version. I guarantee you’ll dig it.

Phantogram

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvSgLHWR16o

This is called “Mouthful of Diamonds”, it’s a dark eclectic little number form their LP, I can assure you that they are one to watch for in the later years in the world of Electronic-pop. If you like The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Sleigh Bells, give them a try. They also put on a damn good show. Oh and really listen to the lyrics, good stuff.

Coldplay

props to Google for this image

Umm, need I say more? After seeing Chris Martin live, I really do forgive him for naming his kids Moses and Apple, for reals Chris, you can call them anything you want BECAUSE YOU’RE SO DAMN COOL. And that Gwennie ain’t too shabby either. So Viva la Vida is one of the best albums ever and if you protest; shame on you. One of the many highlights of the show is their stage presence; really it’s like that feeling of seeing God in material form. The light show was also CA-RAY-ZAY. Seriously, clouds were projected and flashing streams of yellow danced around the stage and gyrated on my eyes during, you guessed it, “Yellow”. And to end it all, they beautifully summed up the night with “Every Teardrop is a Waterfall” (in which I’m peddling in my panties for the new album) and then “Fix You” I could have died in ecstasy.

Two Door Cinema Club

Google.com for the image

These Irishmen really know how to get the crowd going, so this electro-pop band can put the step in my two-step. For reals, they put on a good show; overall, they were genuine crowd pleasers. And nothing says you’re distinctly following the Irish-stereotype than chugging warm Budweisers on stage in the blistering heat. So that was a little gem for me, for anyone really. To be able to get people up and dancing in 90 degree weather takes a little more than a wink and a smile. So needless to say, they’re pretty damn talented. I’m guessing it’s the beer also. Oh and some food for thought, “Something Good Can Work” is what you want stuck in your head.

Beirut

Google.com for image

I want to make Zach Condan ‘s babies. That’s not just my hormones speaking…Anywho lemme tell you a little somethin-somethin about Beirut; Zach’s voice sounds like Sex-on-a-stick, it’s creepy and seductive. I know it shan’t ever be spoken in the same breath but it has the same charm as Leonard Cohen’s voice. The show was composed of trumpets and heavy brasses with ukuleles…so it’s an interesting marriage of sounds. Also the crowd from his show was awesome, really laid back folks whom really enjoy music, and super nice too… maybe because the riff-raff children were at the Eminem show.

Walk the Moon

I had never heard of them until the day of their show, and to my surprise it was pretty damn catchy, not nervy-catchy but a good kind of catchy. Their hit is that face-painted mess, it’s a quirky song and kind of pokes fun at college parties and all that jazz, so it’s quirky, catchy and clever…not to bad for a bunch of guys in neon-clad skinny jeans from Ohio. Check out their colorful music video for their song “Anna Sun”.

Mayor Hawthorne

The whole oldie but a goodie kind of idea kicks in for this one. He’s Micheal Buble but with a punch to the mouth. Well judging from the music and voice, I expected a black man to come out on the stage and show me his funk but his lanky white kid from Detroit (that speaks like a black man) came out and whoa-ed me even more. Out of all of the Lolla shows, this was the best surprise, so give his songs a chance…very sultry, I mean baby-making sultry. If Marvin Gaye and Al Green made babies..this would be the spawn.  And needless to say, it was lovely.

So the list goes on but for now, I think that’s enough for you all to chew on.

But in case you needed some new to-be classics in your life, here’s what I dig:

Phoenix

props to Google for the image

For you cave men that have no idea whom Phoenix are, shame on you. (No offense to cave men) But they are second generation, Daft Punk 2.0….but honestly; I think they’re better than the Daft. But in all seriousness, this has got to be the best, well made album of our generation.  Just listen to it, really just listen to that beauty and tell me that isn’t precious. It’s not just my crush on Thomas Mars or my undying wish to have a baby-making session with the band, but really its true art…the music is like the most avant-garde/creative/innovative thing out there. It’s been out for awhile but I’m really still awed by the music. And for you cheap bastards out there, look up their podcasts on iTunes. Their KEXP radio visit was aurgasmic, give it a try and who knows…it.might/will.blow.your.mind. I would never lie to you.

Michael Jackson

props to Google.com

I know you must be thinking, what the hell? Anywho, lemme tell you something about the king: he’s the king. So rummaging through my pile of crap I had found this album and I almost forgot about how much I loved him…in a very platonic way…allegedly. If you had listened to “Rock With You” and your hips don’t start shaking on their own, you’ve got problems.

Jay-Z

props to Google.com for image

I don’t care if you don’t like rap, but Hova will change yo mind. I think all of his albums are well made but Blueprint III is just so creatively cool and has a lot of modern spunk, but he’s a pretty smart guy; everything in his music is very cohesive and strong-maybe that’s why he’s been in the rap-game for what, like 13 years? So needless to say, he’s here to stay. Oh and the new “Watch the Throne” album? To die for, for reals. It’s soooo good and having Kanye as his partner in crime won’t hurt. The duo are on tour now, and you betcho ass I’ll be at their show.

DANGER MOUSE

props to Google.com for image

Anything he touches turns to gold, need I say more?

Where the Wild Things Are Soundtrack

props to Google.com

Karen O is simply one of the best female voices in music-in our generation, kids. So listen up, it’s good for ya. The whole Spike Jonze flick creeps me out and I don’t think it’s kosher for kids to watch it but I do commend him for wedding, then ex-wedding that loverly Sophia Coppola. But this album is probably one of the soundtracks that out-does the actual flick, listen for yourself.

Juno Soundtrack

props to Google.com

I have a soft-spot for Ellen Page. In other words, I love that girl and would arguably go gay for her and Ellen DeGeneres if given the chance. Anyway, Kim Ya Dawson’s voice is equally adorable, now don’t go googling what she looks like because the voice says “cute” but the face, not so much. Well, it’s The Moldy Peaches, so I’ll leave it at that, besides there’s no reason to ruin a perfectly good thing. The songs on this album are a breath of fresh air, it’s a fun album and quirky and really lively. The lyrics are all over the place in the best sense possible.

Now; songs to download, but I can’t speak much of the album:

1.)    Silver Lining-Rilo Kiley

2.)    Teen Angst-M83

3.)    Young blood-The Naked and Famous

4.)    Get Some- Lykke Li

5.)    Big Jet Plane- Angus and Julia Stone 

There's more, I know there are but until I think of them, this is whatcha git. Until next time, I gotta peace, I have to pack for school and such and such...

T

Life, thus far.

So anyway, last night my parents went to visit some friends of the family. We're Vietnamese so our family-oriented functions are just excuses to gather around, eat a shat-ton of food, gossip, karaoke, and so on and so forth. Vietnamese people are loud, we sound angry but we're not, we're just loud...that's just how we talk. The volume is either loud or louder, you get the idea.
Kids are seen, not heard that's just how we operate. So we are at this house and the family is from a more northern region of Vietnam, so to us folks from Saigon, their accents are just hilarious. It's a bit difficult for us to take them seriously. The women are in the kitchen cooking up a storm, they're always busy, with what I haven't gotten a clue but they're always moving. Anywho, as you know, I start bitching to my mom. I send telepathic signals towards her, I'm pulling out the stops with the stink faces. By now, she's slightly annoyed with how obnoxious this family is. See the thing is that usually it's not a big deal, I usually like hanging around my parent's friends and their kids but in this case, there was a 2 year old toddler who constantly cried and an 8 year old boy that, and I know parents hate to hear that they produce ugly babies, was heinous. He was a little tubby and just that truffle-shuffles around and bothered the hell out of me. He was that character, Chunk, from The Goonies, you dig? There was just something unsettling about that child. Then there was a 15 year old girl, I can usually communicate and enjoy myself in conversation with 15 year-olds, however she had Aspergers. So in other words, she was actually physically unable to converse with me. Not.Cool. I am basically trapped. Oh and then, they blare this crazy Vietnamese dance music. That stuff can make your balls jump up into your body and never come down. The man that was singing this was also doing this jive thing with his hands and it was a whole new level of shameless. So to escape this deadpan party, I decided to be ill, but in all reality if I were to stay any longer I think I would have accrued some illnesses (to my soul).
So that was the second half of my weekend, the first half was my cousin's birthday. She had this huge bashy-bash at a rooftop club. It was pretty damn lavish. But anywho the kid is a lightweight and was out by midnight or so. She woke up and putted around the house in her zombie-stance carrying around her first hangover, great. But anyway, that's what you get for puking all over the club anywho. I did something similar to my birthday only I wasn't that hot of a mess. I kept my composure until I got home and then the stuff started to projectile out of my body like an exorcism. Shit happens when you become aware of how old you're getting.
I am now packing for my Chicago trip and I feel like I'm forgetting a lot of shit. You ever get that feeling? I am pretty sure I won't think of it until I get there. It's just going to work out that way.
I gotta go to bed but I figured I needed to bitch about a couple of things before I rest my brain.
Nighty-night.

Summah Summah Summah Time.

Oh summer; I have longed for you. I yearned for the sweet sensation of sweat on my brow and wasting away under the (dangerous/cancerous) rays of the sun. Without a care or fear of melanoma on my mind I went to you empty minded and actually a bit lackluster, little did I know YOU WERE GOING TO BLOW.
Wow summer, way to be the asshole black sheep of the family. Dear summer, you're a douchebag. Fo reals, I have some bones to pick with you...
First of all, I have been working like a single mom (minus the spawn-children) and my friends have all died off with fear of going broke. So in other words; everybody's friggin working and not a single soul is free to do anything. I also came back home to some burdens and unfinished business...huh unfinished business, I honestly didn't think I would accrue any until I died. But anyway, everything is going according to plan, I am blogging to 2 people (so guys, think of this as a public announcement email) and I am earning not as much as I planned oh and this town is a tomb. No really, where I am located now is a fabulous town to raise children...and cattle. So thanks summer for shitting on my dick, yet again. I would take Spring over you any day. Spring gives me variety and hope, so yeah. Suck it, summer. Fall will beatcho ass.

Sincerely,
     Vanny

Let me tell you a little something....

So here are some things I'd like you to know about moi....
1.) I hate long walks on the beach because they are long.walks.on.a.beach. and maybe it's because I have never found beaches to be romantic...
2.) I wish I had the balls/enough street cred/ balance/ coordination to skateboard.
3.) I'm 5 foot nothing...(I know, perspective, right?)
4.) I'm in love with fashion, gay men have a way with me...I yearn for Marc Jacobs. Valentino and Armani; I don't even want to go there...gay orange men are my weakness.
5.) I have a soft spot for Koreans, blame it on the soju and K-Pop.
6.) I'm a total hypochondriac...damn you, Web MD (shake fist).
7.) I think I have abnormally small feet.
8.) I hate ALL underwater creatures, blech. Especially sharks, sharks can S my Bs.
9.) Every now and then I go into odd moods where I can watch "Virgin Suicides" over and over again.
10.) My fantasy football team would be Marc Jacobs, Sophia Coppola (because they get along famously), The 14th Dalai Lama, Maxine Hong Kingston, Amy Tan, Maguerite Duras, Encyclopedia Brown, Harvey Milk, Ann Suu Kyi, Jonh Lennon, Bob Marley and Duchamp. But they wouldn't play football because in my fantasy, they wouldn't understand the game of football, actually they would detest it. We would sit on the sidelines and chat about the wonders of the world, laugh and night would fall then the ornamental lights would dance and all will be well...isn't my fantasy a nice place?
11.) My favorite band in the whole world is Phoenix.
12.) The best cookies I've ever had are from Becker Farms (the chocolate-chip truffles)
13.) My favorite meal is in Vietnam, a noodle restaurant owned by my mom's best friend.
14.) You've Got Mail is my beating the blues flick.
15.) Tea and coffee is my life, I'm pretty much sure I'm about 98% caffeine.
16.) I have a weakness for fine-point ink pens, I have to buy it. I must add that I have pretty damn good penmanship. Oh but fountain pens, I stop the world and melt with fountain pens.
17.) English sheep dogs are my favorite animals.ever. I squeal at the sight of them.
18.) The Carriage House Cafe in Ithaca is the cutest restaurant I've been to.
19.) I can't give up traveling, it's like a drug. It costs more than drugs...shit.
20.) I buy art supplies like it's nobody's business.
21.) I can listen to Jack Johnson and be in total content with the world..no matter how shitty my day was.
22.) My mother stresses me out like no one else can, but she can do the total opposite and it's almost like magic.
23.) I'm an only child (shut up)
24.) I'm ambidextrous.
25.) I wish I had musical talents.